risk tisk triscuit biscuits J.Y.

Pictured below is evidence that Commander Yara crawled up my poopchute 💩 I mean my drain pipe last night and swalled me whole.  He didn't even spit it out this time cuz he said he hadn't eaten all day and a little protein does the baldy good.

Anyways read the report and look at the damage he did to my sheets and look at the damage I did to his rectum. Darn near killed him judging by the tears of joy in his eyes.  If you notice the color of his skid marks I would say he needs to cut back on the mustard he cuts and I apologise for the bleeding of his bottom.  He said he was allergic to latex but I insisted.  He sounded like a squeakiy bald seal barking into the night it was that tight.  Talk about smelling like burning smoking rubber.  I pulled out a nutty buddy bar and had to dispose of this frothy mixture of lubricant sperm and poo...otherwise known as Santorum if you look it up in the Urban dictionary.
"Does it hurt?" I asked him..

"Fuk ya it hurts you little bugfukker...you never write..you never call...now gimme back that blunt I need to ease the pain
  And bring some cat gut and a kneeting needle and a mirror so I can diy down there on my bottom."

"No problem, Commander...or you can just call me Thor" I said gleefully.

"Thor?  Fuk you.  THOR?? I'm tho Thor I can hardly Thit"

"
Relax, Commander. I'm not finished.  Now take deep breaths...blow on your arm hairs and bite the last corner of the pillow you tried to swallow earlier.  It's too soon to be done.  And cover your ears..it's gonna get noisy...."

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