email to Officer Armijo

Monday morning enclosed is an email that I sent to Officer Armijo:

Dear Sir!

I must say that when you get mad you are scary-hot.  The more I can distend that vein in your forehead, the more I love you.

All  (kid)ding aside, m'jo, you did a spectacular job in not letting me0 ruffle your skirt on Friday...but know this;. I'm far from done emmitting pestilence and wit upon your tender boi-carcass.  You can be my boy anytime.  I have lots of room for you to run from and the toys I have for you, my child...you'll be crying out your own name cuz I'll be giving you some ping thing to cry about.

Hard to swallow, I know..just ask Commander Yara.  But he rather en(j)o(y)$ my company although the cost is great, as you will soon expect.  Remember I have to be cruel to be kind and first things first.  Now where did I set that inflatable latex dinner roll that came in same-day air from the Gulags in Eastern Kiev?  Damn.  Don't go anywhere.  

(Ba BaBaBottoms Up! From Van Halen is playing in the background.)

Now be a good Boy and call me because I have supplemental information to that call that you royally (navel jellied) on Friday.

In gay-speak, we call that bumping uglies.  You breeders call it bumping heads.  If you can even find yours, Sir.  I know I can find your nagle cus you head your head up in it on that call.  Which is sad because the dinner roll is no longer satisfying for you...but the inflatable one is.  Oops.  I just found it.  It was under the whoopie cushion Johnny (Yara) Jump up that I caught you hanging upside down from in the front door of your mobile home.

Now stop jumping up and down I'll get at you soon enough.  Please call me.  I'm dying up here.  Oh.  A Johnny jump up is also called a pansy and judging by your waist size, Little One...I'd say there's plenty of room to fill in the back.  Now roll over...this is gonna smart.

CRR
 5059301836

Post script:. Look up N.A.M.B.L.A. and notice the last two letters of that acronym and the initials of our beloved and homewrecked officer.  Hm. ArfArf! Here boy!  It's right here! Stop panting.  

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