Good morning Santa Fe PD and to all law enforcement and first responders. (fags, hags, wannabe's and will-nots)

It's so nice to be back.  But watch your back because I have some unfinished business with several officers at SFPD.  Because I was repeatedly arrested.  Falsely.  And I was incarcerated.  Wrongly.  And I lost everything I own.  Including a prize violin that belonged to a famous musician from the Denver Symphony Orchestra. And my dog Maddux.  Such an incredible companion.  But all dogs are.

Trace Evridge, an officer with Santa Fe Police department, entered into my apartment on the night of January 28th, 2017 at approximately 2030 hours and I answered the door naked as the tub was running and I was about to get in it.  He then pushed the door open and pushed me until I fell back on the floor.  He had his night stick out and told me 'stay put, fag' and he kicked me in the groin.  Good thing I'm a eunuch cuz it didn't hurt a bit.  In fact if I had opened up a little wider I could have rather enjoyed his size 2 bootie up my bootie.  Poor missus Evridge.  Living with a worm hung like a worm.  That is what I call a worm squared double trouble.
Back to what really was searing pain since I sing bass, not mezzo saprano..he did kick me in the groin.  
He then searched my apartment and I went to go turn the running water off and he smashed my wrist against the tub and turned the water off.  
"Get up you filthy fag" he said.  
CR: of course I'm filthy.  If you had arrived 15 minutes later you would have been my Calgon attendent and you could have scrubbed my back, chewed on my earlobes and nibbled the tops of my toes and I could have swatted you with handfuls of Mr. Bubble and you would have giggled like the Vienna boys choir and the Von Trapp sisters and Sister Act all in one voice.  Gosh k don't know how you do that.
TE: Simple.  You don't know who we are do you?
CR: A wild guess here: Porcinos en masse?🐽
TE: Even worse.  We are legion and we are many.  
CR: I read all about you in the new testement.  UR from Gaderenes aren't you. Say don't you have a brother?  If I recall you also have an ugly brother, no.  In fact he's so ugly that the k9 units close their eyes when they hump him in the leg.  If he was here I could call it a triple double.  Double up on three bags so in case yours breaks I'll still have mine on. 

It is then that officer Evridge does the unthinkable: he bitch-slapped me. Quickly, I dodged my head but nonetheless a cuticle grazed my nostril and I sneezed.  Got him right on the snout and that loogie was a hanger.
CR: missed me missed me now you'll have to swish me.  You got some mucas hanging off your nose.  And earlobe.
TE: where, here?  
CR: no..other side.
TE: Here?  
CR: to your left.
TE: Now?
CR: C'mon you fukking dummy get your right step right.  Your right, my left. Jesus.  Not the brightest brass in the Brasso buffer are you.
TE: Actually that would be my brother ZEBULUN.  Boy was that a dumb move a few days ago.
CR: oh you mean that very bi..I mean BB with a capital C that kicked my dog Maddux in the ribs and smashed a glass jar of Heinz 57 white (sic) vinegar into my face and Beezulbub your brother took me to St Vincent's ER for injuries and THEN has me arrested for assault and battery. Ya well that case ain't over cuz I'm going after him, Officer Thomas McClelland AND judge Donita Sena..to whom I refer to as Dognutz Sanka extra heavy on the cream pie.  Just biding my time as the Lord has instructed me to.  Okay where were we.  Oh ya..that dangling white froth hanging from your ear.  Lemme put a glove on and get it for you.  It looks like something Ben Stiller had on him in Something about Mary.  There.  All better.  Now can we just get this over with?  How bout a little kiss.  Like this...

And the colored girls go
Do-do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do
Do, do-do, do-do, do-do-do, do
Little Trace never once gave it away
Everybody had to pay
A nickel here a bitch slap there
The Library bar oh my oh dear.
The devil said 'Hey Trace, take a walk on the wild side.'. He said 'Hey Trace, take a walk on the wild side..'
Satan himself came and hit the streets
Lookin' for souls to steal and a place to beat his meat
Went to the Mr. Peepers show
You should have seen him go, go, go
They said, "Hey Satan, take a walk on the wild side"
I said, "Hey bitch.  Not on my eternal life will you take them"

Prayer for cops of the day

CR: Dear heavenly Father, please protect these men and women day and night and their families and give them the sense in the direction to make decisions that will forever affect the rest of us for the rest of our lives. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.  For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever.  Amen.

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