Monday Monday

Well I have had some pretty disappointing moments in my life, but today was a doozie.

So on Friday I was expecting a check from my former employer, Volt Technologies.  Not only was it not in the mail, but no one was in the office to help me.  Imagine That I got a ride from Wyoming and Central to the Journal Pavilion and got dropped off only to find out no one was there.  Not to be discouraged, I started walking back.  

I don't know why people think things are too far to walk to.  Jesus managed to do it.  The Apostle Paul managed to do it, sometimes in shacked.  Lt. Villa can walk backwards and in high heels as does a few other choice law enforcement (pretty} officers.  So I walked to Montgomery and San Mateo before catching a ride home.

If I hadn't gone that way..and you fruitcakes can ALL check it out...I saw an angel.  A close encounter of the 2nd kind if you were.  Because, you see...God is with us all the time and He has throngs of angels protecting us all the time.  You see...what we call angels are merely aliens, right?  We think of the two as separate beings but they really are the same.  He do I know?  Well I now have proof:

I was headed southbound on Jefferson just past Osuna and a white dodge c

Charger Magnum 440 came slowly towards me and flipped it's lights, honked 3 times and gave me a thumbs up.  As it turned west on Osuna, there was the proof.  Partial plate reading 'ANGL'.    Go look for yourselves and stop fiddling your peach, girls.  I know this gets exciting but come on.  You give new meaning to 3rd (finger) rocking on it from too much sun.

I digress.  Two other occasions I have encountered a Dodge Magnum wagon clearly following me. And I don't mean like I'm being paranoid and someone is following me.  At first I was quite concerned because I had sent an email to Lt. Victor Villa with NMSP describing events of improper conduct of a certain Espanola police Sargeant that like to parade around the precinct, and that of the old NMSP building near 31 mile road, wearing red lace women's panties (I'd like to file charges of sexual assault and harrassment, by the way.  So if any of you menz have the courage to do so, perhaps you should listen to what I have to say:

No means no, not blow.  This guy forced me down on him when I was too broken up with laughter with the sight of red panty and foreskin caught in the lace like a grouper in a gill net.  But he grabbed the back of my head and forced me down whether I wanted to or not.  Fortunately a strand of red lint floated into my nostrils and 'kablewey!’ I sneezed on the whole like and proceeded to get a bloody nose all over his nice white khakis.

It looked like a red Rorschach ink blot test in his lap.  So, in amazing disbelief that his pecker actually resembled a lizard.  And his zipper looked like a ladder.  And his beer gut looked like a bell tower.  And then it hit me!  We were in the parking lot of Taco bell and the other fold of the test was reflected in the windshield.  Yum I was so hungry fro the meatless churro I had to get out of the car.

'Here Leezard Leezard Leezard!" I called out...You wanna maybe wipe the rojo mucas off you grande seco leche y sangre de quedo de la verga?

'I cant, cabron.  My night stick is, well..intruding on me from behind and I cuffed myself to the steering wheel when I was playing with another officer before you finally showed up'.

"Well that explains the limp dick and the limp wrist.  Oopsie, I see you dropped the handcuff key let me get it for you and i'll further you into the fray some more"

"Wait! Where are you going?”

"I'm going in for some pie.  Crows pie.  Then I'm going in the 711 next door and buying you some sphagettios, ho his, and a ding ding.  Frozen, of course...call it night stick replacement therapy.  Open up and say ahh!"

You don't understand.  I have to drive to ElRito from here.  K have a wife and two daughters and 2 houses on the same street!  You have no idea what will happen to me."

"Oh I have a strange idea what will happen to you.  Because I'm psychic". 

"No, you're psycho no let me out of this or I'll make your life hell" 

"You already did," I said.  The constant calling.  "The soft girly goo goo talk..'im feeling naughty tonight and I want you to spank mommy's girl downstairs' crap.  Puleez.  I don't care if you are 6'5 Hispanic, 300 lbs.  Drives a late model Dodge Magnum white and a late model (2012 then) Dodge Ram pickup navy blue.

No means no.  Then. And especially now.  Because, everyone..as funny as this story is, sadly it is true and I need your help.  I think I've provided you with enough background information that you can help me on this.  If Gwyneth Paltro can do it in high heels, then Vikingo can do it in shit-kickers.  And if you won't help me on this one like you haven't on others that I gave you crucial evidence on that you willfully ignored...perhaps I call in some oversight to babysit you and potty train you on doing what's right.

Because I handed detective Allred my cell phone that Sargent Kathy Yardman heard blistering testimony involving cartel both inside and outside prison walls.  From El Paso to Albuquerque.  Mug shots and drops and quantities of cocaine.  I was asked if I, myself, would want to HAVE and not buy, 1 to 1.5 kilos.  He wanted me to step in so he could get him and his family out.  You know what I told him?  I told him I would strongly consider doing this on my own without APD or NMSP help because who needs them, anyways?  I don't seem to have much bearing on their decision making.  They never return my calls.

The only thing more dangerous than a genius is one that you turned your backs on.  Just ask Jesus.

So I better get some answers real fast or I go in several directions with this.  If I win you look stupid.  If I get killed, you look stupid.  You lose either way so it's either time to listen to what I have to say, or you will lose your chance, just like this Sargent up in Espanola.  Remember who serves who, here and I serve the Lord.  I can expect a phone call from you, Commander Yara, please..or I'll do this on my own.

Undele! Underwear!😭